moving

my family moved a lot.

i had lived in 3 states by the time i was 4.

the first move i remember was from atlanta to st. pete. i believe i was 5 or 6. i don't remember much, just that we were leaving my grandparents, who had visited us in atlanta and loved it so much they moved there. i vaguely remember saying goodbye to my little friend, claire olsen.

the next move, the first one i was sad about, was from st. pete to chicago. i was old enough by then (7) to be sad about leaving my best friend, christie carr. i remember our last day together, at her house with our matching stuffed sheep dogs. we sat under the palms in her yard, thinking nobody could see us, and we were sad. i have a lot of fun memories about living in florida; i was too young to appreciate just how cool it was to see manatees on my way to school every day and to have dolphins across the street. once at christie's birthday party we were out on her dock and dolphins literally swam right up to us. i would love to live in florida again. (i'll probably be an old retiree in miami.)

chicago turned into (one of) my homes. i met my best friend of almost 20 years there. i spent almost all of elementary school and half of junior high there, and people we know from naperville are still in our lives. i would live there again too; i would raise my kids there. the next move was the hardest: from chicago to connecticut. nicole and i cried and cried.

connecticut still feels like home to me. i miss it almost every day, especially in the fall. connecticut was where i grew up, where i started to become who i am, and the last place we were a family. when i left connecticut, i was saddest to leave my little boys. jackson and quentin are still the ones i miss the most from there, although they probably don't even remember me.

california was a good move. i was so excited to be there, to be independent for the first time, and i had always dreamed of being in california.

the minnesota moved carried mixed emotions. i was going home to my family, to the place i had always associated with my grandparents and favorite cousin. but it held new meaning too; it was the first placed i'd live with a single mom, where i'd visit my dad in his apartment, and later at his new house with his new family. it was where i thought i had found my calling in life, my place in the world, and lifelong friends... only to discover that it would all be ripped out from under me.

new mexico brought new hope. it was my chance to start over again, to be someone else, someone who didn't get accused of horrible things and lose all her friends. it was my chance to be with louie. my first time being half of a couple instead of an independent woman. time again to be on my own, away from my family, meeting new people and experiencing new things. and it has been all that.

but i'm also looking forward to this move to colorado. what new mexico has done for me, i want colorado to do for louie. i want it to be about the two of us moving on together, creating our own lives in a place that's new to both of us. i know he's nervous and probably a little sad, but i'm not. i've already done the hardest part, almost two years ago when i left my family in minnesota. i hope this will be as good as i want it to be.